In order to get more exposure in the Private English Class market in Tehran, my dad placed an ad in the Keyhan newspaper , which was filled with similar ads for private English classes. Some were obviously fancier than others, some even guaranteed students that they will learn "inglisi" in full as quickly as 4 weeks. As soon as the ad had gone out, I received a ton of calls, spent a lot of time talking to folks on the phone, telling them about my teaching approach ...etc. Nothing much came out of it. One afternoon, I returned home and my sister said that someone had called for me - couldn't remember the name, all she remembered was that his name started with Seen (Farsi letter for S). and of course no call back number. I let it go, until a couple of days later this guy called me and it was the Mysterious sounding guy who hissed his Ss so long that all you could remember was the sound of Sssss. Mr. Hussssein Farssssssad was calling about the private class.
I arranged a time to meet him in his electrical store located in south Tehran, near the Grand Bazar. It was a bit hard to find the place. A narrow street, right before Khomeini Square, previously known as the "Meidan-e- Toopkhaneh" (square of Artillery).
Quick side note on Maidan e Toopkhane - It is a huge square in the historical Tehran. The main building in the southern side is the National Communication Building. If you go further south, you go into the prescription drug black market, where you can find smugglers with the ability of reading most illegible doctor's prescriptions and sell you the drugs you cannot find in pharmacies. The center of the square is filled with buses, taxis and basically anything that moves or transports people or merchandise.
Northern side of the square, there are tons of little electrical stores selling wires and tubes. Laleh Zar is the name of a famous street that runs north/south from the square. This street used to be the center of entertainment at the turn of the century. Some of the old theatres are still in operation. If I were to compare this area with NYC, strangely enough, I would say it's something like a run down Times Square transforming into Canal street area, without the flashy signs or the tourist hype and with the grand bazzar in the south, you can add Wall st to the mix. If I were to rename this area, I would call it little Manhattan, because you can find anything, I mean anything, you are looking for in this area.
As I got to his store, it was noon time. I asked for Mr. "Farsad". The young boys at the counter suspiciously asked what I wanted, and finally guided me up a narrow metal spiral staircase to a space above the store, where the employees were about to have their lunch, "Bazzari" style,meaning that they all placed a big pot of Abgoosht (lamb stew) in the middle of the table and everyone with a piece of Sangak bread(long whole wheat bread cooked on hot stones) scooped up whatever they could get from the pot.
They insisted that I tried some. I just smiled and wondered how I got myself in this, and debated whether to charge them for the time that I was waiting for them to finish up their lunch.They wrapped up their food as quickly as possible and cleared off the counter, bundled the leftover bread in newspapers and Mr. "Farsad" and his partner wiped off their goatee beards, sat around the counter very seriously, like good students ready to learn English.
I obviously like a good teacher, had brought a variety of colorful books and displayed them before their eyes. One popular book those days was American Streamline with audio tapes and all. Once they glanced at the books I could tell, they were ready for their afternoon naps. Aa (Mr.) Hussein (Farsad's first name) suggested that we only practiced conversation.
I said "No problem, I have just the book for that. Let's begin":
- Hello my name is Baha, what is your name?
- My name Hussein. I ...Iran. I ...from Ardebil. Amrika ...good. Mercedes Benz very good.
You have girlfriend?
- Nice to meet you Mr. Hussein. How do you do?- Chi? ("What" in Farsi)
I translated the sentence and tried to explain my questions word for word and prompted them to answer my questions. We probably spent a whole half an hour going over a few greeting phrases, then finally Aa Hussein, smiled and said they just wanted to learn English for fun. basically he wanted me to stop torturing him. He said that they are planning a trip to South Korea and they wanted to buy some Shrink Wrap Tubes and cables and wanted to have fun while they are doing business.
He got on the phone and called someone in South Korea, maybe to test me. He asked me to speak with the Korean agent, Mr. Kim. I asked him what he wanted me say. He prompted me with some talking points, such as "We are coming to Seoul next month - to purchase some shrink tubes and we want a discount"...etc.
I, like a fool, was translating everything that he was saying to Mr. Kim on the other side of the planet and bargaining with him for a product that I had no idea what function it served. Mr. Kim said something like he couldn't do it because Mr. Hussein owed him money, so as I was trying to translate that back, suddenly Aa Hussein snatched the phone from me and started talking to Mr. Kim.
- Mr. Kim! hello Mr. Kim ...HA..HA...HA How are you Mr. Kim. Ha...Ha.. Ha...You go Banana
Restaurant? HA...HA..HA...I speak your wife.... No...I speak, yes... You give discount50 percent. No...You... You. Mr. Kim... No You... Ha ha ha, I Speak..
All the store employees were watching Aa Hussein conversing with Mr. Kim. The boy told me that Aa Hussein's English is "Completely full". meaning he is fluent or knows all the words. I shook my head and said "yes he is good."
- Mr. Kim...speak to Mr. Baha. Please wait a minute,...OK, good bye... speak Mr. Baha.
I held the receiver, not knowing where to start. Mr. Kim sounded irritated and wanted this conversation to end. He was worried that it was going to be an endless cycle and had no idea who I was. Aa Hussein again prompted me to give Mr. Kim their travel information. I don't remember the details of my conversation, I couldn't even understand Mr. Kim except the fact that Mr. Kim had accepted to give Aa Hussein the discount he wanted. After I hung up, Aa Hussein gave me a leather purse for men, as a token of his gratitude and wanted me to set up a regular class for him. I agreed to keep it going on Wednesdays, and Fridays right around the lunch time.
I left the store/class/lunch/whatever...., thinking, did I have anything to do with him getting the discount? Did I teach him anything? What am I going to do next time? His entire English vocabulary did not exceed 20 words, but he was so comfortable with what he knew and he was able to get what he wanted.
